What I Learnt At Primary School...

This year I finally finished five years of high school (hell) and previous to this I spent eight years in primary school (not as bad) and I learnt a few things along with the abc's and how to count to ten.

Starting off with Nursery, I learnt that you should never scream like you are being murdered after being stung on the cheek (face you filthy person) and probably making your parent feel super embarrassed after you have attracted the entire playgrounds attention.

In Reception I think this was around the time I learnt to share. Rule number one on toy day never be a bitch always share, this will help you in further play times and could possibly give you friends. Yes at the time giving your worst enemy your favourite polly pocket doll to play with for ten minutes when her mum forgot to pack her a toy probably seemed like hell but when she brings in her bratz dolls in future years you can remind her of this heroic moment.

Year One taught me to make sure you check your shoes before school to check if you have stood in dog shit. Guess what young Chloe did... sat on the carpet at story time and touched the bottom of my shoe, yes the dog's excretion was now on my hand and I felt like dying then and there. I think this is where my germ phobia stems from. Also this year I learnt that I was very sassy and when I moved to a new school I got chosen to play Mary in the nativity (bitches were jel) I clearly made an impression on that teacher. Of course I worked it and sung my heart out which is still a regular occurrence.

Year Two I realised at school you are actually meant to work. Crushing my dreams of school was fun. Since this year I hardly get my hopes up. I also went to a synagogue, was it amazing and beautiful inside you ask... I can't even remember, waste of my mums money to be honest. I also think this was the year I became a tomboy joining the boys with my best mate Katie on the football pitch. Some of the boys were like 'no this isn't for girls' and I now realise this was so sexist (rude).

Year Three one of my favourite years in school because I had an amazing teacher who always told us awesome stories. I learnt that if the law that teachers could hit children were to come back and I would be smacked on the arse with a cane, I should do what his friend Mary did and put magazines down my pants. This was a year I discovered I had the moves like jagger hahaha no. I performed in a school assembly to the classic hit 'Sound Of The Underground' by Girls Aloud.

Year Four I learnt that I was a very good speller and a proud moment in my life when I was the only person in the class who could spell 'neighbourhood' #WINNING. I also gained a rebel addiction to chopping off the tops of pencil crayons with scissors (I never got caught) Oh and how could I forget that if you become a prestigious member of the choir you could sit at the back on benches, I repeat ON BENCHES! not on the floor where food from dinner time still remained with cramp in your legs.

Year Five NEVER TALK IN A TEST. Teachers will make you feel degraded and take marks off your test, a test which I actually got full marks in *cough* Also nasty girls may steal food from your lovely bratz lunch box while you are on milk and fruit duty, so maybe buy a padlock? Problem solving was also a thing at this time which I enjoyed, I think that's why I am interested in crime solving and such.

Year Six At the beginning of the year my amazing teacher made us sing every morning which I loved and made school fun but then she left and your new teacher may target you and your best friend and make you feel alienated but don't take that shit, she just jel of your bromance. Never get into her car to go to an away football match, it will smell like her childs piss (shiver) and yes she has condoms in her drawer, why? a school desk you say? I will never know. In maths class I sat at a girls desk where her pull out drawer was full of my secret unicorn books, I didn't appreciate this when I had to stand up to see my work on the desk it was that over filled.

Overall primary school was cool we also sand Dido songs and Bob Dylan's classic song 'blowin' in the wind' which is still a personal favourite and I learnt some life lessons. I hope you enjoyed this post because I will probably post about what I learnt in high school other than useless algebra which I'm still rubbish at and how to spell onomatopoeia x